back to blogging.. back to loneliness.. decided that this is the best outlet for loners lyk me.. no harm done to anyone.. no expectations.. no disappointments.. no one's gonna see my blog much too.. no one to question me.. no one for me to apologise to.. well.. bored.. frustrated.. disturbed.. will blog in detail soon.. but if any loner happens to read my blog.. juz remember one thing.. life as a loner rawks a lot more than life with a friend!!!!! trust me!! no hurt.. no disappointments.. no expectations.. no arguments.. no fights.. so enjoy loners!!

posted by battle between mind and emotions at Wednesday, November 02, 2011

i m juz so damn bored rite nw.. life is so monotonous.. no excitements.. all only disappointments.. so sick of it.. even though my A levels r over, i cant take a bloody break.. all the time studying.. preparing for entrance exams.. 13 more to go.. hope to get thru by merit.. aiyah.. dunno la.. while doing O levels, they said "juz a few more months.. n then u'll all be free..".. n then started jc 1.. then they said "wait till u all finish A levels.. n then u ll all be free.." now a levels r over.. nw they're saying "wait till u finish all ur entrance exams and u get into a professional course.. n then u ll all be free..".. then they'll say "wait till u finish ur bachelors n then u ll all be free.." then post graduation then job then stabilisation then work then earn enuf then bring up ur kids then settle them in life n on and on it goes.. so basically, we'll never get our damn break.. muz be studying and working all the time.. haiz.. all humans have become like robotd.. all of us are running after money.. what a mechanical life we're all living.. no time to take a peaceful walk.. no time to relax and listen to the song of the morning birds, to see the flowers blooming.. to see the treesshedding their leaves..to enjoy the beauty of nature.. to live life the way we want.. haiz.. let's hope for a more relaxed, peaceful life..

posted by battle between mind and emotions at Friday, April 10, 2009

Yoz!! Asha has come to stay with us cuz her parents have gone to india.. Last night, me, asha n nikil were playing catching around the whole house.. at 2 am.. it was sooo fun mann.. i was reviving my childhood..altho i was busy studying, it was nice to take such breaks.. her stay here is appreciable.. well.. going to my bro's wedding sooon.. sooo excited.. finally i can go to india.. after 2 years..cant wait.. that's all for now..
tata.
nivy.

posted by battle between mind and emotions at Tuesday, January 27, 2009

hey bloggie.. was juz pondering over yesterday's comments... well.. if my genuine care n concern turns in to a great joke, there is no point in being nice to ppl.. so i told myself.. to juz stop giving a bloody damn abt them.. that doesnt mean i will be rude to them or anth lidat... i will juz nt bother.. that's all.. let me see hw long i can keep up this 'dun-care' attitude.. it is very hard u know?? arghh!!

anyways..juz saw a little girl fall down on my way back home.. i badly wanted to help her.. but like wat cat said.. i muznt be too nice to ppl.. they wud think i m a nut case then.. so many ppl saw her falling down n nobody went to help her.. so dis-heartening.. i m still in a dilemma whether to stretch out a helping hand to strangers as well as acquaintances voluntarily, without them asking me.. i used to be doing that till yesterday, till i heard those comments.. well.. anw, i juz dun feel lyk i m myself.. this change for a day has made me feel as if i m living in a stranger's body, with a different heart and a different soul which don't belong to me.. i feel so lonely within myself.. an empty feeling..i m so disturbed.. i m juz waiting to regain my self..

life is full of ups and downs.. i hv been wandering into my past very often.. my child hood days.. my days with varun.. those 6 years of my life were the most memorable, most luvly, most carefree life.. at that time, i badly wanted to grow up fast, looking at all the grown-ups around me.. now i know how brutally wrong that is.. i wish i were still a kid.. haiz.. i can only cherish my childhood memories cuz i know that i can nvr become a kid again.. i badly wanna meet varun and tok to him for a very looooong tym, about our child hood..abt hw each n everyday went past like a fairy tale..how poetic those days were.. like a fantastic dream.. we used to be so fascinated with each other... with every single thing we did.. varun luvd me unconditionally, when we were kids.. i luvd him a lot too.. we were always found together.. whether we fight or we play or we sleep.. we fight among ourselves, pull each other's hair.. n then we will put our arms across eacth other's shoulders n start playing.. a kid's life is so wonderful.. no cunningness.. no holding personal grudges.. i dunno what kinda affection that was.. a very innocent, pure, brotherly-sisterly, friendly, genuine care, concern n passion for each other.. it was like listening to mozart's violin and piano sonata.. music by the moon light.. sitting by the candle light.. haiz.. the last time i met varun was 3 years back.. i was surprised to hear the exact same thots, sentiments n emotions out of varun's mouth.. i din know our days together were so close to his heart.. in fact, a lot more than that of mine.. i m blessed to have such wonderful ppl around me.. i thank god for every thing that he has given me.. all i ask for is that i want all ppl around me to luv me a lot n treat me as their trust worthy friend, whom they can turn to wheneva they r in nid of help.. that's all..

life is full of contradictions.. cruelty.. ungratefulness.. distrust..
the battle between mind and heart continues..

posted by battle between mind and emotions at Thursday, December 18, 2008

hey.. has bin a year since i updated my bloggiee.. well.. a 12th grader's life sux.. but i guess i hv got used to it.. a few more months n i ll be outta this monotony..

well.. life's fine.. with loadsa frenz.. but u knw wat?? ppl say i m too nice to them n that makes them feel weird.. well.. i cant help it.. many ppl like me for hu i m.. n they giv me the freedom of expressing myself in my individual way.. they noe that i dunno hw to act in front of others n do smth else behind their baks.. i say wat i feel n i do what i feel is right. i hv bin trying to be as perfect a human as possible.. but ppl feel that it is too idealistic and they dun lyk that.. i hv forgotten how to be selfish, rude, mean n heck care kiond.. i care for evry one i know n pray for their well being and luv evry one i know... n ever since i came outta crez, ppl know me as the perfect human being.. they noe that i either luv them totally, or like them to a certain extent or am neutral towards them.. i can nvr hate any one.. not even the ones hu hv troubled me soo much, back stabbed me, hypocrites, or anyone hu has made my life miserable so far.. in fact, inside my heart, i thank them for doing such things cuz it has moulded me into a strong character but with a heart.. i know how it feels to be hurt by sum 1 n so i try my bez not to do it.. mebbe i hv hurt a few without my knowledge, but come on... i m a human after all..

i dun care wat they think abt me.. i will continue to be hu i am.. i will be nice to every one, as usual.. n if they feel weird, too bad.. i m juz lidat.. i cannot be mean to them or care any less abt themm..
ppl lyk my dear soulmate peng ke, my wonderful frend kenneth, hong han, chin sian, my sweetie cat, dorothy, and the most of all, varun, are the ones hu know me really well.. they have given me full freedom to be hu i m.. they nvr mistake me for any reason.. n i know that they r always there for me.. i m really blessed to hv such ppl in my life.. in fact, i m blessed with so many ppl arnd me, whether they like me or not... i luv all of themm.. that's all i know.. i want nothing but frendship in return to my luv, care n concern.. but if ppl r nt willing to open up their world to me, it is ok.. it is their own decision..

well.. i really miss my krss life.. my wonderful peng ke n all the tchrs there.. Life in giis is not bad.. at least, not as bad as i expected.. n krss classmates, the ppl of 4E6 2006 are the most wonderful, most mature ppl of my age hu i hv met.. human heart always realises the true value of smth when it isnt there.. but.. haiz.. it has bin a long tym since i had decided to follow god's plan for me, without questioning my faith in god.. so.. i guess there is a very exciting life waiting ahead of me.. i hv not even thot of harming othrs.. so i m sure god will not let me down at any point in time.. i hv bin telling myself every day that tomorrow will be a better day.. n i muz stop worrying about small issues.. today is the tomorrow that i worried about yesterday.. n there is always a tomorrow.. so there wont be any end to my worrying.. well.. i guess that's all for now.. me busy with mock exams n stuff.. so may not update frequently.. tc ppl.. all the best to every one.. i will pray for every one's well being.. n i will pray for world peace.. long liv humanity!!

posted by battle between mind and emotions at Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Hello! It has been more than a month since i blogged..well..i juz wanted to say a few things abt the ICC Cricket World Cup that has juz been over..

FIRST OF ALL, MY HEARTY CONGRATULATIONS TO THE UNBEATABLE AUSTRALIAN TEAM FOR WINNING THE WORLD CUP!!!!!

well..recently, i have got crazy over cricket...n i have been supporting the Australian Cricket team led by Captain Ricky Ponting.Although Indian team was out of the world cup right at the first round, i was still interested in watching the world cup...Really, the australian team seems unbeatable...so far, in the last three world cups, that is; 1999, 2003 and 2007, Australia has lost 0 matches if i m not wrong..what a strong team mann! i was really inspired by this team..what a great amount of effort they should have put in to stand where they are today! n i guess being a captain of a team of 11 people or more and training them in the right direction is a very tough job..i shd say Ricky Ponting has been doing his job very diligently to bring his team to such a standard..yet, he was so humble when he was interviewed at the closing ceremony..he said that the individual members of the australian cricket team had been challenging themselves with higher goals and improving themselves..i guess the past 2 captains of this team have been very efficient in leading the team...this includes Ponting as well as Steve Vaugh..

well..i have become an ardent Fan of Ricky Ponting...haha..my sis too! she says he looks very keeewt! haha..true enough..i feel so empty after the world cup's ending..i liked the feeling of the world cup fever..well..may be that was why i developed fever last week..haha..lame me..

oh..a few more things abt some other players of the Australian Team...Glenn McGrath ended his One-Day-International (ODI) career day before yesterday..he gained the title "player of the tournament"..i think he took 25 wickets in 10 innings or something like that..the team shd indeed be proud of his talent...what a great player!

heard a few nice stuff about Adam Gilchrist from dad...dad told me Gilchrist donated some amount of money to a few orphanages in Calcutta, India..dad said he is a nice human being..haha..i was pleased to hear that...oh..and gilchrist was the "Man of the match" for the finals held on Saturday against Sri Lanka...woow! fantastic playing..all the batsmen struggled to reach at least 40 runs, including Hayden, Ponting, Symonds and Clarke...but Gilchrist scored 149 Runs in 70+ balls or something lidat..great mann! wonder how he did it...Sri Lankan Captain, Jayawardene said that his team was trying very hard to keep up with the Australian team but in the end, was helpless...well..Sri lankans put up a tough fight as well..i shd say their standard of playing was very good...

Anyway...enjoyed myself watching the world cup...i had a great time..i really miss watching it, staying awake late at night and doing something other than studying... had a good break n time to get back to serious business now..but i have got an extra wish added to my wish list...i wanna meet Gilchrist and Ponting..i wanna congratulate them for the reward they have gotten as a result of their hard work..the australian team has won the world cup consecutively for the third time..it was ponting's 4th world cup that he was participating in...the team will remain as a legend forever in the history of Cricket..

Waiting Eagerly for World Cup 2011!! (looooong way to go)
BYEE!

posted by battle between mind and emotions at Monday, April 30, 2007

hello! it has been a looong tym indeed since i updated my bloggie...

first..birthdays:-
March 12 - farzanah
march 17 - selina
march 19 - minee!
march 20 - kenneth
march 22 - nazrin

these r the ones i can rmb rite nw..sry if i left out anybody..HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO U ALL!

hmm..well..life's really damn boring nw..how i wish i had school..haiz..miss all the fun i had in KRSS..now..stay at home, staring at the 4 walls around me..indulge my head into my books..aiyoh..looking forward to june..when i can start sch..on the other hand..i m anxious abt my new schooling environment..wonder whether i can catch-up..wonder whether the people there can understand my english...i hope that evrything wld be fine..

went to watch a movie with family..recently, hv been going to theatres a lot with my family...watched deepavali, yest was sabari..then when i went with my higher tamil classmates, we watched pachai kili muthu charam...and the most recent movies i hv watched over CDs are: thaamirabharani, pokkiri, friends...oh..n azagai irukkirai bayamai irukkirathu, athu oru kanaakaalam, aasai aasaiyaai..tt's all i can rmb..

well..nth much to say..shall update when i feel like...
bubbyeee!

Labels: updates after a looong tym..

posted by battle between mind and emotions at Monday, March 26, 2007